


concrete flowers

by moriphyte



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 08:12:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6276472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moriphyte/pseuds/moriphyte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're a bad habit and I can't wait to break you"</p><p>flowers can't grow in concrete, but they can grow in the cracks</p>
            </blockquote>





	concrete flowers

**Author's Note:**

> It's raining, I'm taking a break from working on chapter six of How Sad A Flower, and I've been listening to [Lover I Don't Have To Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lxb8b7ND6Wk) by Bright Eyes on repeate

You push through the club doors and out into the open air  
It's late August and you're starting to shake from the cold night  
You walk out into the alley and lean against the wall, taking a breath and hugging yourself to keep warm  
This skimpy clubbing dress is doing nothing to stop you from shaking  
As you stand there in the cold early morning the door opens and you don't have to look up to know who it is  
"Hey baby girl"  
You don't look up, just at your now bare feet.  
You don't remember what happened to your shoes, the night was pretty hazy  
He comes to lean against the wall beside you and then his hand and a cigarette are in your line of blurred sight  
"No" you say  
You feel him shrug beside you, "whateves, more for me"  
You hear him light the cigarette and smell it start to burn  
After a few breaths of second hand smoke you sigh and turn to look up at him  
"Gimme" you say, holding out your hand  
You feel him grin and he leans down to look at you  
"Here ya go, baby girl" he says, taking the cigarette from his mouth and pressing it between your lips  
You replace his hands with yours and take a breath of the smoke  
You hold your breath and release the smoke from your mouth into the air  
His hand comes and wipes under your eyes and you pull away fast and glare up at him  
Only when you feel the cold air on your cheeks do you realize he was wiping off a tear  
You look down quickly and take another drag of the cigarette to fill the silence  
"You okay, Terecita?" He asks, voice flat  
You look up slightly but not at him and chew at the inside of your lip "yeah"  
You take another drag, you wish this would just kill you now  
Or him  
No, you don't want that, you love him, or something like that  
Whatever, fuck him, it's not like he really cares about you anyway  
"So, we gonna fuck or what?"  
You cough on a drag of nicotine and look up at him incredulously  
"What?"  
"Are we gonna fuck?" He asks again, like it should be obvious  
"Is that seriously how you're asking me if I want to have sex with you?" You ask, lowering the cigarette from your lips  
"Yeah, now are we gonna?"  
You narrow your eyes at him and then sigh, taking a drag of the cigarette which is nearing the end of the filter  
"I don't care"  
He grins and plucks the cigarette from your fingers, putting it too his lips and taking the last drag, "then let's get too it, baby girl. Also, I got your shoes" he says, holding up your heels by the straps

  
You end up down the street from the club, making out in another alley  
As soon as you step into the grimy space between a bar and a small venue he pushes you up against the wall and sloppily smashes his lips against yours  
At first you don't kiss back, disgusted by his taste of alcohol and cigarettes and something rancid that makes you feel like throwing up the little you have in your stomach, but after a moment you give in  
He presses you harder against the cold concrete wall, running his hands along the tight, sticky  material of your club dress and pressing his tongue into your mouth  
You try to pull back but his hand fists in your short, sweaty hair, keeping your lips pressed against his  
One cold hand moves up under your dress and the other takes your wrist and presses your hand up under his shirt  
His skin is hot and sticky with sweat, which is gross, but you feel gross just doing this  
His breath is heavy as he presses you hard enough against the wall that the rough concrete scrapes your bare skin and grabs at your upper leg  
Keeping his mouth on yours he places his hands on your hips and lifts you up  
You wrap your legs around his torso and hold onto him  
He breaks the kiss and looks into your eyes, "you ready for me?" he asks, grinning at you  
You want to grin back, you want this to be fun like it used to be, but now all it does is make you sick to your stomach  
It's a good distraction, at least while you're doing it, but after it you just feel dirty  
Still, it's a distraction, and you really need a distraction  
You roll your eyes nod and his grin widens, "that's the shits bitch tits my wicked sister"

  
When you're done you both just sit in the alley for a while, passing a cigarette back and forth in silence  
You only smoke when you're around him, you never really liked it all that much. Dave smokes sometimes but he's trying to quit, he never liked it either, he only started smoking because of the stress with all that shit with his Bro  
You don't say anything for a while, just sit in silence listening to the beat of the music from the club down the street and watching the cigarette smoke curl through the heavy air  
"You real good, baby girl, you know that?"  
"Good at what?" You ask, not really all that interested  
"At fuckin"  
"Thanks?" you say, raising your eyebrows and plucking the cigarette from his fingers  
He grins and let's his head roll to the side to look at you  
"And in general"  
You laughed then and there was no humor in it  
"Yeah, sure"  
"What?" He asks seriously, sitting up  
"Gamz you treat me like shit" you say, turning to him  
He looks confused for a minute and then counters with, "you treat yourself like shit,"  pointing at the cigarette in your hand  
You raise your eyebrows at him, "seriously? _You're_ telling me that I treat myself like shit? Says the biggest fucking druggie I know"  
"I ain't said I don't be treatin my body like shit, but you treat your whole self like shit" he says, taking the cigarette from your hand and pointing at your bare forearm  
You look down at where scars and cuts cross the skin of your inner arm and then look away, not wanting to be reminded of how stupid you are  
"Why do you care"  
He shrugs, "maybe I care about you"  
You laugh  
"What's so motherfuckin funny?" He asks  
"that's bullshit" you say  
He narrows his eyes at you, "I do"  
You raise your eyebrows at him and take the cigarette back from his hand  
"Yeah if you gave even one shit about me you wouldn't treat me the way you do" you say, pointing at the bruise on your cheek from an argument you had in the train station last week  
He looks down, "I said I was motherfuckin sorry"  
"You stopped being sorry a long time ago"  
"Well you stopped giving a shit a long time ago"  
You nod, taking a drag of the cigarette and blowing the smoke in his face, "yeah, which is the only reason I'm still fucking you"  
"Fine with me" he says, grinning  
You take one last puff of the cigarette and toss the burnt out remains down the alley where it goes out on contact with the pavement  
"Come on" you say, pushing yourself up and offering him a hand, "let's get to the subway"

  
Your walk to the subway is in silence, Gamzee smokes another cigarette and you watch the sky start to turn dark. It looks like it's going to rain  
You race each other down the slippery steps and you laugh when Gamzee falls but you still grab his arm to keep him from hitting his head  
Once you get your tokens from the machine you push through the gates and onto the platform  
You stand in silence before boarding the next train that screeches it's way into the station  
The train car is mostly empty with the exception of a man eating a Big Mac and a boy with headphones on and his music turned up way too loud  
He's listening to hip hop, something you recognize from Dave's shitty remixes, but you can't place it   
You don't talk much on the ride, you just end up resting your head against his shoulder and falling asleep to the rhythm of the shaking train car  
He wakes you up a half hour later judging by the time on the muted tv playing the late night news mounted on the wall of the train  
You get off the train and walk the platform and stairs silence  
It's started to rain by now but not heavily and you're really starting to shake now  
When you get to your building you stop infront of the door and look at each other, faces barely visible in the dim street light  
"You go on up to your little boyfriend now, I'll text ya later" he says  
"We're not dating anymore" you say defensively  
"Yeah cause you a cheatin little slut"  
"It was an open relationship"  
"He didn't know that"  
You bite hard on the inside of your cheek but don't say anything, you don't have a response, he's right  
"Course it's not like I got a problem with it" he says, grinning down at you and placing his hand on your waist  
You push his hand away and cross your arms over your chest defensively  
"Aw come on, baby girl, you know you like it" he says  
"It's a distraction, that's it" you say  
"What, you ain't got no feelings for me?"  
"No"  
"That ain't what you said the other night" he says, grinning at you  
"I was drunk, it doesn't matter what I said" you snap  
"Oh really, so you weren't breathin my name, you weren't holdin onto me after, saying I was all you had?" He asks  
You bite your lip hard and glare at the ground but don't respond  
You vaguely remember saying that but you're not going to admit it, especially not to him  
"Whatever, I'm going to bed" you say, turning to leave but he grabs your wrist and pulls you back  
"What, I don't get no kiss?" He asks, grinning at you  
You glare at him and answer by pressing your lips to his before pulling away  
With that you yank your wrist from his grasp and head for the door of your apartment building  
You look back once and he's still standing there, grinning at you  
When you look back the second time, he's gone, and you're left alone

**Author's Note:**

> I ended up finishing this in a diner at like 7 am before work cause I got kicked out of my house again


End file.
